Archive for January, 2011

Asexual on the Spectrum

January 22, 2011

I’ve not written much about asexuality and asperger’s syndrome on this blog. I did write about asexuality in April and aspieness in June, but it’s been quiet on both fronts otherwise. That’s a shame, as much of my intention with starting this blog was to cast more light on these. Now that a blog carnival about being an asexual on the spectrum has been announced, it is an excellent opportunity for me to bring it up again.

(If you’ve never heard of asexuality prior to reading this post, the first blog post I linked to could be a good place to start. Less so with the second one.)

The risk of misconceptions is difficult at this point. Let me stress that my sexual orientation is something in and of itself, and not simply something that “comes with the syndrome” like some sort of “buy one, get one free” deal. It is a sexual orientation in its own right.

It is interesting with the whole “coming out” thing. With my diagnosis of asperger’s syndrome, noone I knew in real life doubted even a second that I had it. As a test, I talked about asexuality in an oral presentation once, and I detected much disbelief, though noone said it outright. When I several months later talked about asperger’s syndrome, it’s seems noone doubted, and I seem to have garnered much sympathetic light. I wonder why asexuality would get so much more ambivalence, when it is when all comes around pretty simple? I think much has to do with the fact that it is nearly unheard of. It only strengthens my convinction of making “asexuality” with its proper definition common parlance.

The most egregious example of this I encountered was once when my mother and I discussed what my project work for my last year could be about. My mother suggested I do something about asperger’s syndrome. I put forth the idea that asexuality could be interesting to write about. My mother told me that it was not a good idea and it could be interpreted wrong by others. I just straight couldn’t believe what I heard. She just suggested I write about asperger’s syndrome, for heaven’s sake!

I just… urgh. When I first came out to my mother about asexuality, she implied that it just was an idea I had because I thought I could never meet another person. Hugely insulting to me, of course. What is jarring me the most was that she told me when I was younger that it was completely OK for me to be homosexual. It felt an immense breach of trust to me. I don’t consider myself an aromantic, anyway. I think she’s come to accept the concept of asexuality, fortunately, though I’m not sure.

I hope this was fleshy enough for a blog post.
– Henny