Archive for May, 2010

Populous Update #7

May 29, 2010

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The Mexicans are on the warpath again. This time, they intend to subvert us internally through immigration. They are skilled in crossing the border without notice. We have to stop them!



Both us and the Mexicans start out on two small and narrow peninsulas. Like the previous mission, there are two continents with a sound inbetween them. The Stone Head contains Erosion, a spell which is required should you want to get your hands on a new spell, Invisibility.

Our little peninsula is inaquedate for getting a proper base up quickly, so an Outpost is constructed more inland.

There is only so many Natives you can get your hands on before they become extinct, so get those Convert spells out and bring ’em some civilization.

Not the best place to put the outpost, in retrospect…

A highway between Texas and Mexico was built.

Once they get some Preachers out, the Shaman will cast Invisibility on them and they will be able to do some serious damage on your populace.

This calls for some Preachers of our own.

The current situation. Notice that they’re building a Warrior Hut as well, as am I.

We might all start to speak Spanish soon! What do we do?

Shaman uses Thunderbolt. It’s super effective!


The Mexican settlement fell like a house of cards at that point forward.


Let’s take a look at this Erosion spell…

The Mexican Shaman sure is pissed. Her reign of evil collapses around her. What course of action is she going to follow?

What you see here is two Shamans simultaneously hitting each other with Thunderbolts. Both died.

Grr. Getting hit by a Thunderbolt and then drowning is not a pleasant experience, that’s for sure. But at least we have this Erosion spell right now. Let’s see…

What the Erosion spell does is to lower the ground. Pretty cool, eh?

And they ran out of followers at that point.

America, a country built upon immigration, has successfully hindered immigration!

Populous Update #6

May 23, 2010

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“Building bridges”. Considering only 1-3 Landbridge are used in this level, I wonder whether this level is worthy of that name compared to certain other levels in the game. Though I guess the level under a different name would still be the same, this period of rhyming I consider lame.

We need to colonize for Philippines, who happens to be in the possession of Spain, to expand our economical base. As we’ve been a colony as well it might seem somewhat hypocritical, but there’s a difference. We’re America. So we get to do these things. Anyway, there’s also a Native American settlement we need to take care of.



We’re stuck on one of two continents, who are seperated by a sound. We share one continent with the Native Americans and the Spanish have a continent for themselves. The Native Americans would seem like the natural first victims.

The standard build-a-crapton-of-Huts strategy applies. We’ll need ’em.

This level is unusual for giving access to the economical spells of Convert and, to a lesser extent, Landbridge. Stuff like Earthquake is cool, but the basic spell Convert is one of the three ways you can get Braves (the other two being Huts and converting enemy Braves). It’s crucial for getting your settlement up to size. Landbridge is more indirect and versatile in its uses. While obviously giving access to other places across water, it can also create ridges. Used en massé it can have quite curious and useful effects.

As shown.

I’m doing a delayed Preacher rush. The key is to get some Huts up and going but still be able to get Preachers in their town before the enemy get too many Preachers of their own.

As you can see, the enemy has started construction of a temple.

Some divine intervention stops their futile plans.

A local plague delayed the Native American mobilization.

Get to their base, pronto!

I’ve set up a small settlement on the hill, directly west of enemy camp. The enemy Shaman is not amused.

Success! There’s not much pointing towards the survival of the Native Americans, now.

While attracting quite a large bunch of Braves, the Preacher has the bad fortune of standing in a reincarnation circle. Next time the enemy Shaman respawns he will catch fire and run away.

Speaking of which…

Having run out of followers, the Warrior by the Chicken Itza sink into the sea. If we had the Hypnosis spell we could’ve been able to make him pray at it. I thought the Stone Head directly east of my reincarnation circle had it, but it had Swamp instead. Ah well.

Shortly afterwards, the Spaniards solve our little Landbridge problem…

Nine out of ten doctors advise not to clump followers together and cross a narrow bridge when there are enemy Shamans around. The tenth doctor has mental problems. As a side note, the Thunderbolt is far superior to the Fireball in reach and damage. Especially Warriors have a tough time going down by Fireballs. With proper aim, a Fireball can inflict major damage on a force crossing a Landbridge when surrounded by water, though.

The enemy Shaman put my extremely strategically important Small Hut on fire. Whatever will I do?

We have a significant force at our disposal, and will use it to exterminate enemy presence.

Sneaking into enemy camp, my Shaman is able to neutralize their Shaman.

Go, my noble Warriors! For America!

The “liberation” of the Philippines caused further prestige for America and greater stability.

Populous Update #5

May 22, 2010

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I guess this is the last mission in this solar system… planet system?

Intelligence reports the Soviet Union is about to plant robot missiles in Cuba. This would greatly threaten American security. We have established a plan of action.


Let’s investigate our starting position. We’ve got four Warriors. The Totem Pole requires six peeps in total to, er, load it up at optimal speed. The Stone Head is easier to appease as it only needs one. There’s an Outpost which puts you in position to influence the island north of it in some way.

We’ve already got three Swarm spells, so Thunderbolt (which is the name for the spell I will use from now on, as “Lightning” is just not as cool, plus Thunderbolt is the best Electric attack in Pokémon) will be prioritized.

We’ve got fifteen minutes (or technically about five seconds more) to complete this mission. The Shaman takes position in the Outpost whilst the Warriors head for the Stone Head.

These newly converted Braves will pray at the Totem Pole and see what happens.

“De gamle”? That’s not grammatically correct. Anyway, a boat pops out of nowhere.

Chicken Itza, the giant cock god of climate change and fertility, is in an extra grumpy mood today.

An army is hastily assembled.

This Stone Head yields two Landbridge spells. Hmm…

A part of the army follows the Shaman as we make a probing attack.

The attack goes so-so. At least it works as a distraction.

By using the Landbridge spells, the Shaman has found a way into the very heart of Cuba…

Beachhead established. Bombing may begin.


You gotta admit that looks badass.

Fidel Castro gets a bit of a bite in the butt.

The Angel of Death sure is awesome. Will be quite a while since we see him/her/it again, though.

Alternative way of completing level.

1. Get the Shaman on the boat.

2. Land right next to the statue using Swarm(s) as cover.

3. Declare victory.

Brave 1: “We’ve been here for one month now.”
Brave 2: “The Shaman will come back for us.”
Brave 1: “But what if she don’t?”
Brave 2: “Um… the Shaman will come back for us.”
*awkward silence*
Brave 1: *eyes Brave 2 hungrily*
Brave 2: *uneasily fingers knife*

Populous Update #4

May 22, 2010

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France and her Indian allies are an enemy of the British crown, and thus by extension of the American conlonies themselves. For the time being, at least. It’s time to penetrate the French heartland and drive them out of North America for good.


The terrain has large lakes and ridges, making building not as easy a job.

We’ve only got one area to build a hut, we won’t be able to build anymore after that. Hmm. What to do? Also, notice the Native. What the hell is he eating? It’s a pine tree!

The Pyramid of Knowledge near our base seems to have the answer to our building problems.

From the Stone Head we are also granted Convert, which, well, converts Natives. They get nice blue pants and a shave. Not sure about the haircut, though.

America was able to get some of the Indians on their side.

An Outpost can be built anywhere, so you can start a new settlement. We’re going to need some Preachers and Warriors.

The population cap is well below our actual number. Build, build, build, for America!

I build three Preachers and four Warriors. In retrospect, four Preachers three Warriors would’ve been slightly better, but oh well.


After a few skirmishes, frontier outposts were set up along the borders of French territory.

We now have the Lightning spell. It has way more reach and damage than a Fireball, and can damage buildings. It kills an enemy Shaman in one hit.


The enemy is now neatly boxed in. I think I could pretty much defeat them at this point, but that’s no fun is it? Also, notice the increased number of Huts.

Such cheek! We’re going to have to do some divine intervention.

The desertion rate was high on both sides in this small skirmish.

Residing in an outpost gives greater aim. Unfortunately the Temple is just out of reach. Notice my Warriors showing their respect.

A cluster of enemy Braves gets to taste my Lightning, with hilarious effects.

Back home, war production is in full swing.

We’ve got 50 Warriors and 22 Preachers, along with 70 Braves, 142 followers in all. Keep in mind that 199 is the absolute maximum of followers you can have.

The largest part of the army attacks the French from this direction, concentrating them at the church.

A much smaller force goes here, as a pincer manouver.

Clumping your followers together isn’t always the best strategy, as this image demonstrates.

This scene fills me with such happiness.

I can’t believe I had trouble with this level as a child.

Populous Update #3

May 21, 2010

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More than usual Natives spawn in our reincarnation circle, which means I’ve got 12 Braves at the start.

We’re in the state of Texas. Mexico believes Texas as part of their country, but Texas has rebelled from them. Now Mexico has declared war, and we’re going to have to invade them. And to further underline Texan independence, we should of course annex Texas.


If only there was a way to reach that Pyramid of Knowledge without wading through enemy camp. Also, notice the concentration of Natives in Mexico. The enemy Shaman can convert them.

The 12 Braves build three Huts.

The Shaman/General convinces the gods to transform the landscape/congress to send a mountaineer division.

Meanwhile, the enemy is gearing up for war.

Our military strategists warn that a propaganda campaign from their side might foment dissent among our slaves.

A Preacher has taken up position in the mountain pass. Approach them with your Braves or Warriors and they will sit down and listen to their false beliefs until they are either converted or one of your Preachers interrupt their little sermon. We shall deal with him later.

We can now build Temple Huts. Oooh.

Our spies in Mexico, however, have gathered some footage of the enemy, and by manipulating these pictures we should be able to summon a frightening view of the enemy. We call it “El Tingelingo“, which should make our soldiers think that should they be taken prisoners they will be either murdered, raped or both, by trigger-happy sex maniacs.

Eight Braves start building a Temple, the remainder should stay in the Huts to help out with Mana.

A Fireball “neutralizes” the enemy Preacher. This can’t end well. Look, he’s even praying.

*splash*

Aspiring preachers are lining up. The idea is to get a Preacher in enemy camp as soon as possible. Also, notice that one of the Huts have been upgraded to a Medium Hut. Our population cap has become higher than our actual population, so the Huts can produce new Braves.

Our “El Tingelingo” campaign has made our soldiers impervious to enemy propaganda.

We get the enemy Shaman out of the way in an amusing manner.

The bitch counter-attacked! Notice our Preachers starting to convert the enemy Braves.

Uh-oh, our Shaman is in a tricky situation. She won’t tolerate much more beating. Some spells should save her, though.

*a couple of confusing seconds later*

I have twice the number of Braves I started out with, even though I only built three (four) Huts and trained eight Preachers and didn’t convert any Natives. Attacking a tribe without Preachers using only Preachers tends to lead to an increased population, but with not as much population growth later as you have few Huts. Remember that in later missions.

Destroy Mexico! For America!

Our armies are on the verge of destroying the enemy completely.

Forces in Texas are gathering for one final push.

Mexico should know better than to mess with America.

Populous Update #2

May 20, 2010

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Let us guide Cortez in his aims of destroying the Aztec empire. We have gotten the coordinates of the capital, Tenochtitlan, and we are ready to besiege it.

Four of the initial eight Braves get into the Medium Hut, while the four other ones begin construction of two new Huts.

Meanwhile, the Shaman begins praying at the totem pole in hopes of… something.

Much of the Aztec empire’s fall was attributed to the enemies within which allied with the Spaniards.

Well, I’ll be damned! Totem poles yield stuff like terrain changes or vehicles. Nifty little things.


An overlooking view of the globe. There’s only one way forward.

Tenochtitlan was grander than many cities in Europe at the time.

The Shaman and one Brave begin praying at the Stone Head while the rest of the unemployed Braves begin to build a Warrior Hut.

The Huts have reached the maximum growth of Braves, and I don’t need any Mana towards spells, so it’s about time we mobilize. 18 Braves shall enlist.

Note the Warrior in the upper left corner. Let’s see where he lands.

Hurricanes are a constant danger for countries around the Mexican Gulf.

Jesus, that’s unlucky.

With a massive roar, the Spaniards close upon the helpless Aztecs.

By pressing G, you can make followers guard your Shaman. Quite useful. Also, we now have the Swarm spell, whose effects we will witness shortly.

Only the second mission, and already the trademark madness. Ah, Populous.

Faced with an army of Warriors heading straight for the Shaman tower, the AI chooses to try to ward off the Warriors smashing the already damaged Warrior Hut.

Note the Native who had been standing there the whole time.

Woohoo! Now we are free to colonize the New World.

And that was the end of Aztec civilization…

Populous Update #1

May 20, 2010

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Here is the solar system, which one can navigate through should one wish to replay a level. As we’ve started a new game there’s only one level to choose, which happens to be the very first level. Also, notice the Swedish. That was just too awesome to pass up on, and I think it creates an air in which the original storyplay is not as apparent.

Here’s the starting position. I have two huts and eight braves, two of them being born out of the huts in the very beginning. I occupy the huts and get the remaining two braves started on a third hut.

In Jared Diamond’s Guns, Germs and Steel, we get to know why the Europeans dominated the world and not, say, the people living in the Americas.

The shaman worships at the stone head, yielding the Landbridge spells. This stone head can be worshipped at an infinite number of times, but the vast majority of stone heads only yield a limited number of spells.

The people in Eurasia had more crops to grow and animal breeds to raise.

Having had some experience with seafaring, the Portuguese pioneered colonization and astronomy.

A Fireball quickly deals with an enemy Brave. All units are exceptionally bad swimmers.

The political fragmentation in Europe made for constant warring and competition.


Stuff you learn in the Pyramid of Knowledge gets stuck with you forever. This particular pyramid gives us the ability to build a Warrior Hut, which in turn can train Warriors. They have attack and defense uncomparable to other units, but are limited in other ways.

This lead to faster technological progress.

Time for mobilization. By shift-clicking on the Brave icon in the toolbar, I select all of them and get them to build a Warrior Hut.

With the news of the discovery of the New World, opportunists like Cortez and Pizarro were eager.

And by using the Ctlr button, I get them to move to the island when they’re finished training. How convenient!

Time to strike at the unsuspecting Native Americans.

Both Cortez and Pizarro were quick to strike at the political power in the Aztec and Inca empires.

The Shaman has no difficulty killing single Braves, Priests and Spies. Quite useful in a pinch.

The diseases which the Europeans had become resistant to over the years wreaked havoc upon the Native Americans, who had no such immunity.

Victory! If you fail at this level, well, maybe this game isn’t for you. Or any other video games, for that matter.

The audacity with which the Native American civilizations were destroyed is stunning.

Populous the Beginning Index

May 20, 2010

Update #1
Update #2
Update #3
Update #4
Update #5
Update #6
Update #7
Update #8
Update #9
Update #10
Update #11
Update #12

I know I’m supposed to be working on the Pokémon Let’s Play, but I am Procrastination Embodied after all. I promise to finish it later, all right? Today I had the zaniest idea, and I decided to look into it while I still have it in my head. I present to you, Let’s Play Populous the Beginning! But with a twist. We shall interpret it as a metaphor for America’s successes, the Blue Tribe being America, Dakini are Communists, Chumara are Japanese/Terrorists and Matak are Hippies/Aliens. Plenty of ground for humour and offensiveness, as it should be. Manifest Destiny! Keep in mind that I’m not really out to crush the enemy in the fastest and most expedient way, as that is no fun.

As for the game itself, I’m too lazy to do a description, and the Wikipedia page really said it well:

Populous: The Beginning was the first entry in the series to use true 3D graphics; Bullfrog waited four years to develop the sequel to Populous II so that the graphics technology could catch up to their vision for a new and different game in the series. The addition of terrain deformation and manipulation, combined with “smart” villagers who automatically attended to tasks, was considered by the developers to add an entirely new dimension to the series. The game’s original title was The Third Coming, before being changed before the beta release.

Populous: The Beginning plays very different from earlier titles, and was welcomed to mixed reviews. Reviewers positively noted the excellent graphics; complaints were directed at the artificial intelligence and the inability of the game to decide between being a real time strategy title or god game. GamePro said that Populous: The Beginning was not a bad game, in fact a good one; “but it’s a different game—one without a quintessential quality that defined Populous.”[4]

Gameplay

Populous: The Beginning places the player in control of a female shaman and her following tribe. Unlike the previous games in the series, The Beginning allows the player to directly control the action of followers, by ordering them to build structures or attack enemies.[5] In the campaign, the player must fight the opposing Dakini, Matak and Chumara tribes for dominion over the solar system. Enemy tribes also have shamans, and later levels have all three tribes on one world. Whilst the objective is always to eliminate all of the members of the other tribes, there are often specific ways this can be achieved — sometimes the player must use spells gained from worship at special “artefacts”, such as stone heads or “Vaults of Knowledge”;[6] in other cases, the player only needs to overwhelm the enemies with superior numbers. The game has no formal resource management; new units are created automatically at houses, and training new warriors costs nothing except mana. Only wood from trees is required to build new structures.[7]

The game is played from a 3D third person perspective[8] with the camera at a variable height and capable of rotating 360°, enabling the player to quickly move across the planet’s terrain, which is actually a real projective plane rather than a usual sphere; on maps where there is no fog of war, players can see what opponents are doing at any time. Extensive support for 3D acceleration enables the player to view the game in 16-bit or 32-bit colour.[9] The landscape and real-time structure building and follower movement are also shown.

A tornado cast by a shaman rips apart enemy buildings.The player commands several different types of followers, each of which has advantages and disadvantages in combat. The most basic unit is the Brave, which builds houses, towers, and military buildings. Braves are trained at specific buildings to become different units. Warriors are the most basic military unit, employing a melee attack. The player can also train Firewarriors, which are weaker but shoot fireballs over a long distance; Priests, which can convert enemy units (and prevent enemy priests from converting friendly troops); and Spies, which perform espionage functions.[4] The Shaman herself is fairly weak, although she can be resurrected indefinitely during gameplay. Shamans make up for their weakness with a number of spells, which can be used in offensive or defensive situations.[7] Some spells are single-use, and once the player uses the spell a certain number of times, will disappear. Other spells can slowly be replenished for continued use; the rate of spell regeneration correlates to the player’s number of followers. Examples of spells include “Landbridge”, which raises the sea floor to create bridges across the sea; “Swarm”, which sends a horde of insects to sow confusion in enemy ranks; and “Tornado”, which as its name suggests creates a cyclone to destroy buildings. There are twenty-six spells in total,[4] which are slowly learned throughout the campaign.

Populous: The Beginning is multiplayer compatible, either by head-to-head direct modem connection, LAN, IPX, or using matchmakers over TCP/IP. Modders added matchmaking clients, which can be downloaded from fan sites. Populous: The Beginning allows for a maximum game size of four players playing against each other.[1]

Synopsis
[edit] Setting

Later levels in the game take place on purple, twilight covered landscapes.Populous: The Beginning does not take place on Earth; rather, the game takes place in a planetary system of exactly twenty-five unnamed planets. There is no indication as to whether the game takes place in the future or past, as the universe within the game is seemingly unconnected with reality. While many of the planets are predominantly grasslands dotted with trees, other worlds feature wildly different terrains, such as a volcanic world and a planet almost entirely covered by water. These worlds are inhabited by four distinct human tribes, represented by their color: the green “Matak”, the yellow “Chumara”, and the red “Dakini”; the fourth blue tribe, which the player assumes control of, is never mentioned by name. While all the tribes are dominated by a single female shaman, no other females are seen with the exception of the cutscenes; all fighters are male. Each of these tribes is hostile to one another for unspecified reasons. In addition to the organized tribes are ‘wildmen’,[10] neutral characters who cluster in groups around trees and water. Though they cannot attack or be attacked, players can use the Shaman’s Convert spell to bring wildmen under her tribe’s control.

[edit] Plot
Populous: The Beginning takes place before the first two games in the series.[11] The player controls the Blue tribe, pitted against the three enemy tribes which control most of the solar system. The player’s destiny as Shaman is to become a deity; only by defeating all the enemies in the system can the player’s shaman become omnipotent.[12] The player begins on the planet furthest from the sun, and attacks each planet in sequence. Along the way, the Shaman can learn new skills and magic to defeat her (usually) much more powerful enemies. Victory requires the player to either destroy the opposition, or on occasion perform special actions. The player loses if his or her Shaman is killed and there are no remaining followers to resurrect her, if the Shaman is killed and there is no circle of resurrection, or the player runs out of time on timed levels.[13] Upon beating back the other tribes, the Shaman ascends to godhood, and further helps her people conquer the Matak, Chumara and Dakini in one final conflict.[14]

Happiness

May 18, 2010

I’d like to speak a bit about happiness. By “happiness”, Merriam-Webster has the following definitions:

– a state of well-being and contentment
– a pleasurable or satisfying experience

I am speaking about “happiness” in the first sense, that of contentment and tranquility.

One of the most happy countries in the world is Bhutan, and is the happiest country in Asia. At the same time, it’s one of the poorest countries in the world, with GDP per capita being the 124th in the world. Analphabetism is rampant compared to more developed countries, with a literacy rate 59.5%. This is not exactly firm ground for a prosperous and humanistic society. Nearly half of the Bhutanese live off less than $1 a day and two-thirds live on substinence farming. Despite this, in 2005 45% of the Bhutanese reported being happy, 52% reported being very happy and only 3% unhappy. I highly doubt anyone, if they found themselves in the shoes of an average Bhutanese person would not be at least a little bit discontent. Why, then, are the Bhutanese so happy? In my mind it has to do with two things. Firstly, the lack of information about the outside world. Internet and television has been introduced very recently and is not available to large parts of the population. I am of the firm opinion that information should be a human right. Secondly, and it ties in with a lack of information, is the cultural paradigm in Bhutan. Roughly 75% of the population is Buddhist, with 24% being Hinduists and 1% accounting for everything else. Given Bhutan’s remote geographical position and considering that it has been isolated from the world until the early 1960’s, consequently its cultural heritage and traditions have remained intact. Simply put, they don’t know what they’re missing out on.

In the wake of WWII, the Western economies grew at a tremendous pace, and the welfare system was expanded. There was, and is, material affluence of the likes of which humanity had never seen before. Even a “poor” person in the Western world is more affluent than a feudal lord was during the Middle Ages. Despite this, people were not necessarily more content. What is so strange about that, really? With an increased economical base and a strong democratic tradition, it is quite natural that people demand more in terms of civil rights, equality and welfare. But “happiness” is about that… just being content with what you have, content with things being as they are. This pursuit of contentment is quite depressing, but also highly dangerous. Our society is not perfect, and perhaps never will be. But we can always strive towards improving conditions and work more progressively. Why, it is one of the strongest reasons why I am a socialist. Indeed, the very notion of “happiness” seems hostile to any societal progress.

Taking happiness to the very extreme, imagine if through scientific means one was able to overstimulate the happiness area of the human brain. The subject would experience extreme bliss, contentment, happiness. It seems like an incredibly cruel thing to do though, reducing the human to basically a vegetable. Many people say that in an ideal world, everybody would be happy, but for me it seems like a hellish dystopia. It is this pursuit of happiness for its own sake which is not only misguided and ignorant, but at the same time it is incredibly dangerous. Indeed, it might be one the greatest obstacles for humanity as a whole.

As a final note, 1984 and Brave New World have been combatants for the throne of dystopia novels. Having read both, I would say 1984 was more relevant during the Cold War, but Brave New World is more relevant in our time, even though Brave New World was earlier. I suppose this image says it all.

This is also a quite good article about why happiness is overrated.

As for the second definition, that of a pleasurable or satisfying experience, nothing wrong with that. *happily strokes cat*

Pokémon Emerald Update #12

May 1, 2010

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After many tries Tate & Liza were finally subdued. I am certain that there will be no further troubles on this island…

Ah, crud. I am getting so damn sick of these fudgin’ thugs I just want to kill the [expletive removed] bastards. Grah!

Before Henny goes all mental, let’s go to Shoal Cave.

Shoal Cave – Contains Shoal X and Pokémon Y.
Zubat – Very Common
Golbat – Rare
Spheal – Very Common
Ice Floor:
Zubat – Very Common
Golbat – Rare
Spheal – Very Common
Snorunt – Common

Shoal Bell is inferior to Leftovers, but then again we don’t have any Leftovers at the moment. We are lucky; it’s low tide. Definitely better than high tide. Also, don’t worry. Nintendo wouldn’t be so cruel as to drown your character if it flips to high tide while you’re exploring.

So let me get this straight… this guy stands here 24 hours a day, his feet wet during 12 of those hours, making Shoal Bells for people without any sort of monetary compensation? Just what the heck is wrong with these people?

This is what it looks like at high tide.

I meet another Mauvillian who gives me a Focus Band. He seems to be a bit of a masochist.

Ooh, it’s like an enormous refrigerator. Where’s the ice cream? Apparently ice cream is Nevermeltice and TM07 Hail.

At first I think it’s one of the local populace. I approach it, wanting to buy some tourist crap, but it appears to be a Pokémon. I’ll have it as a souvenir, then.

Note: Besides the Snorunt and Spheal families, there’s only one other Pokémon in Hoenn which is an Ice Pokémon, Regice. And because you don’t want to be a stinky cheater you won’t use it. Having an Ice Pokémon could be very helpful in getting through Pokémon League in one piece.

Snorunt/Glalie: Being a pure Ice type, it has one resistance and four weaknesses. Evolves fairly late. Glalie has 80 base stats in everything, and such a wide specialisation isn’t all that desireable. While undoubtly cool, I think I would prefer to use Walrein instead. (Ice; Inner Focus)
S – Powder Snow
S – Leer
7 – Double Team
10 – Bite
16 – Icy Wind
19 – Headbutt
25 – Protect
28 – Crunch (I like)
34 – Ice Beam
37 – Hail
42 – EVOLUTION
53 – Blizzard
61 – Sheer Cold

Spheal/Sealeo/Walrein: Superior stats to Glalie, it also has more resistances. Also has STAB on Surf, which is nice. Can be a supreme companion and opponent. (Ice, Water; Thick Fat)
S – Powder Snow
S – Growl
S – Water gun
7 – Encore
13 – Ice Ball
19 – Body Slam
25 – Aurora Beam
31 – Hail
32 – EVOLUTION
39 – Rest
39 – Snore
44 – EVOLUTION (Only two levels later than Glalie)
50 – Blizzard
61 – Sheer Cold

I see a Freudian space rocket thingy which really doesn’t look like its capable of space flight.

“I gotta tell you. I am so intoxicated at the moment due to these frequent clashes with the Teams I have trouble distinguishing them from ordinary people with similar demeanour. You look like a Team Aqua grunt to me.”


“Team Aqua grunts don’t give me gifts. Well, ‘cept my favourite deranged sailor back in Slateport. Hmm…”

“‘Chintzy’? O.o”

1. of, like, or decorated with chintz.
2.cheap, inferior, or gaudy.
3.stingy; miserly: a chintzy way to entertain guests.

“Not to fret. I shall defeat you through susi and sheer moroxity. And our mutual understanding to battle each other seperately than all at once.”

My Pokémon actually outnumbered their Pokémon two to one.

Like Maxie’s previous plans, I’m ASSURED there’s a sensible motive behind this.




“*facepalm* Maxie, you card.”

“I guess it would be amusing to see how Maxie would go about transporting the fuel to Mt. Chimney without blowing himself up in a gory explosion in the process…”

“But battling Maxie is always pleasing.”

I choose Tentacruel, Nosepass and Breloom to be my protagonists in the upcoming battle. They smile like hungry wolves. Or hungry jellyfish, Easter Island men and mushroom lizards, as it happens. Why I can only choose three Pokémon is beyond me, but my mental inner voice says there’s a perfectly good explanation for that.

I hope Steven’s Pokémon won’t be too much of a baggage.

Steven looks a lot less happy than on the global in-game map thingy. Oops, fourth wall again.

Both Tentacruel and Metang had Clear Body. Owned with a capital P.

Camerupt got a critical hit. Poor, poor Camerupt. 1987-2010 R.I.P.


Tentacruel’s Attack is up by four points and she’s confused, so we’ll switch to someone more adequate.

Tsk tsk.


And that’s how the battle ended.

Off he goes on his next retarded plot. Perhaps he has ADD. Tentacruel wonders why we don’t simply kill him. I wonder that as well.

We’re going diving.

Well, I swam out to the deep areas, preparing to Dive, then… I realized I didn’t have any such Pokémon. My brain isn’t working well sometimes.

Wait, what happens if Gyarados uses Dive, when Tentacruel has used Surf? Hmm…

Fortunately, I happen to be extremely good at holding my breath. Or I have gills. I don’t know what the f*ck.

Swimming in the seaweed (yuck) underwater can make Pokémon pop up:
Chinchou – Common
Clamperl – Very Common
Relicanth – Rare

Looks like we’ve found a sixth member in our team.

Watch for those shards, too, as they yield evolutionary stones.

Huntail: Maybe there is a hidden logic in having a Pokémon with 104 base Attack which doesn’t learn a single physical move. Maybe. Or perhaps the developers at Gamefreak, who probably were smoking a lot of pot back when this game was made, simply mistook Crunch for a physical move yet again. Which it doesn’t even have STAB on. And is one of those Pokémon you can only get through trading. Sigh. (Water; Swift Swim)
Trade with Deepseatooth – EVOLUTION
8 – Bite
15 – Screech
22 – Water Pulse
29 – Scary Face
36 – Crunch
43 – Baton Pass
50 – Hydro Pump

Gorebyss: Better than Huntail due to its far better Special Attack, no doubt. But I still failt to see why the effort of getting a Deepseascale in-game and then trading it is worth this. The Pokémon world is not exactly suffering from a shortage of Water Pokémon. Heck, you can get Starmie pretty easily and it pwns the crap out of Gorebyss in terms of usefulness. (Water; Swift Swim)
Trade with Deepseascale – EVOLUTION
8 – Confusion
15 – Agility
22 – Water Pulse
29 – Amnesia
36 – Psychic
43 – Baton Pass
50 – Hydro Pump

A Gorebyss siphons the body fluids of prey through its thin, tubular mouth. Its light pink body color turns vivid when it finishes feeding.

Its swimming form is exquisitely elegant. With its thin mouth, it feeds on seaweed that grows between rocks.

It lives at the bottom of the sea. In the springtime, its pink body turns more vivid for some reason.

Its pink body becomes more vivid with the rise of water temperatures in the springtime.

Gorebyss is an omnivore and turns vivid at the drop of a hat.

Chinchou/Lanturn: I like this Pokémon. It has 5-6 resistances and only two weaknesses, and STAB on both Water and Electric moves. I know using Magneton would be smarter from a gameplay point of view (with its 120 Special Attack and it comes available earlier) since I already have a Water Pokémon, but then again I wanted to be a bit different and use Pokémon I normally don’t use this time. Volt Absorb not only makes it immune to Electric, it also gains HP if an Electric move is used. (Water, Electric; Volt Absorb, Illuminate)
S – Bubble
S – Thunder Wave
5 – Supersonic
13 – Flail
17 – Water Gun
25 – Spark
27 – EVOLUTION
32 – Confuse Ray
43 – Take Down
50 – Hydro Pump
61 – Charge

All right, I think that’s all

Relicanth: It has 130 Defense and 90 Attack, but not really any good moveset to follow this up with. And it’s not like Water and Rock was the best type combination ever. Plus, it becomes available so darn late in the game. But be sure to catch one, as it has plot significance later on. (Water, Rock; Swift Swim, Rock Head)
S – Tackle
S – Harden
8 – Water Gun
15 – Rock Tomb
22 – Yawn
29 – Take Down
36 – Mud Sport
43 – Ancientpower
50 – Rest
57 – Double-Edge
64 – Hydro Pump

All right, I think that’s about it for today. ‘Til next time!