Pokémon Emerald Update #7

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Compared to the $500 for a Full Heal, $200 for a Lava Cookie which does the exact same thing seems like a damn sweet deal. At the taste of a chunk of molten lava, Pokémon will simply forget about any other status conditions they might have. And there are no happiness penalties either, since they simply cannot believe you would be so irresponsible as to feed them molten lava.

Judging from the looks of those ledges, it seems like I might actually have some use for an Acro Bike, for once. The Mach Bike has been stealing all the spotlight with those damn sand slopes all over the place.

Machop – Common
Numel – Very Common
Spoink – Common

Spoink/Grumpig: The Psychic type has some extremely awesome Pokémon, like Alakazam, Gardevoir, Metagross, Slowking, Starmie and Wobbuffet. But it’s also slightly tainted by a black sheep, or black pig as it happens. It’s not bad per se, it’s just that its Psychic, and I have ridiculously high standards then it comes to Psychic Pokémon. Because if you want a Psychic Pokémon, Hoenn offers such awesomese critters as Kadabra, Gardevoir, Starmie, Xatu, Wobbuffet (never underestimate this Pokémon), Medicham, Claydol and Metagross. (Lunatone, Solrock and Girafarig are a bit weaker in my opinion). My point being, you can certainly get better than this. (Psychic, Own Tempo)
S – Splash (Magikarp wannabe?)
7 – Psywave
10 – Odor Sleuth
16 – Psywave
19 – Psych Up
25 – Confuse Ray
28 – Magic Coat
32 – EVOLUTION
37 – Psychic
43 – Rest
43 – Snore
55 – Bounce (A physical attack to a Pokémon with non-STAB and weak Attack. With 85% Accuracy.)

Lavender Town – Has a gym and a “herb” shop (hurr hurr)

Relaxation? I have no time for such trivialities. I need action, whether it be blood and gore or overly wet camel thingies.


And that’s how I stole the man’s kidneys.

This will intensify Fire-type moves.


“*cough* Sorry my ladies, it’s not what it looks like”, I assure the shocked senior dames, and frantically try to make the damn thing stop shaking so wildly, cursing under my breath.

“Are you going to eat it? Because I’m hungry.”

“To hatch? But I was going hungry… Feh, all right then. I’ll hatch the egg for you. I still have that Nosepass egg, though I imagine it doesn’t taste as good.”

Imagine that everything said in Lavaridge Town gym is a sexual innuendo.







Yes. I’m very immature. Flannery has a level 24 Slugma, a level 24 Numel, a level 26 Camerupt, and a level 29 Torkoal.

Also, consider the Water Pokémon you can get before you beat Norman and get Surf, and their best Water moves below level 30:

Marshtomp – Water Gun
Goldeen – N/A
Lombre – N/A
Pelipper – Water Gun
Gyarados – N/A
Azumarill – Bubblebeam
Tentacool – Bubblebeam

Given the superior Special Attack Tentacool has over Azumarill, Tentacool wins. :3

Nosepass causes a tremor so powerful, not only the Numel faint, but also me and Flannery. We proceed the fight after we have gained consciousness again.

“You’re a monster, Tentacool. It’s that simple.”

Wha…? Sunny Day seriously hampers the effectiveness of Water moves.

Both Nosepass and Tentacool kicked the bucket…

“Kirlia, avenge their deaths!”

All right! 50% of all gym badges taken. 🙂

“Not you again! Listen, where did you get this damn newfangled Itemfinder? I’d like to speak with customer service.”

“This won’t make me go blind or anything, will it?”

Route 111 – The Desert of awesomeness. Seriously, does Kanto or Johto have desert? Huh? No, didn’t think so. 😛
Baltoy – Common
Cacnea – Rare
Sandshrew – Very Common
Trapinch – Very Common

Baltoy/Claydol: Special Defense and Defense are the highest stats of this beast, and Attack and Defense is quite lukewarm. Following the blitzkrieg doctrine of Pokémon, I am therefore no fan of this one. But it’s not bad, no doubt about it. It has two immunities and six resistances. Unfortunately it has as many weaknesses. If you use it, teach it Earthquake. (Ground, Psychic; Levitate)
S – Confusion
3 – Harden
5 – Rapid Spin
7 – Mud Slap
11 – Psybeam
15 – Rock Tomb
19 – Selfdestruct
25 – Ancientpower
31 – Sandstorm
36 – EVOLUTION
36 – Hyper Beam
42 – Cosmic Power
55 – Explosion

Trapinch/Vibrava/Flygon: Flygon has a base stat total of 520. That’s five higher than Tentacruel. For a three stage Dragon monster. And has, well, too much Attack and too little Special Attack. If it had better Special Attack I might have liked it, what with its Dragonbreath and Crunch. But no, I can’t really say I’m a fan. (Ground, Dragon; Levitate)
S – Bite
9 – Sand Attack
17 – Faint Attack
25 – Sand Tomb
33 – Crunch
35 – EVOLUTION
35 – Dragonbreath
41 – Screech
45 – EVOLUTION
53 – Sandstorm
65 – Hyper Beam
Alternatively, if Trapinch doesn’t evolve:
41 – Dig
49 – Sandstorm
57 – Hyper Beam

Cacnea/Cacturne: For some reason, the developers of this game [expletive removed] loves Dark Pokémon with a high Attack, even though Dark is a Special Attack. Cacturne has as much Special Attack as it has Attack, though it unfortunately doesn’t learn Crunch, making it the Dark Pokémon in Hoenn with the highest Special Attack. Given the strategical significance of Dark Pokémon, having one can be a great advantage. Can pack a punch as a Grass demon as well. Given that Sand Veil raises Evasion in Sandstorms, it could be of use. (Grass, Dark; Sand Veil)
S – Poison Sting
S – Leer
5 – Absorb
9 – Growth
13 – Leech Seed
17 – Sand Attack
21 – Pin Missile
25 – Ingrain
29 – Faint Attack
32 – EVOLUTION
35 – Spikes
41 – Needle Arm
47 – Cotton Spore (Lowers the opponent’s Speed by two points)
53 – Sandstorm

Sandshrew/Sandslash: I did think Ruby and Sapphire having Sandshrew as late as Route 113 was bad enough, now Emerald has Sandshrew in floppin’ Route 111. This is incredibly hard to justify, given the inferiority of it at this stage in the game. Don’t use it. (Ground; Sand Veil)
S – Scratch
6 – Defense Curl
11 – Sand Attack
17 – Poison Sting
22 – EVOLUTION
24 – Slash
33 – Swift
42 – Fury Swipes
52 – Sand Tomb
62 – Sandstorm

This tower looks positively suspicious. I better investigate it.

…I’m getting too old for this.

After several broken ribs, I find myself at the top of the tower. I see two fossils. My mysterious inner voice tells me that I can only pick one. Decisions, decisions…

Lileep/Cradilly: Few resistances, slightly more weaknesses. That’s what the two Fossil Pokémon are all about. Has fairly crappy movesets, too. The stats are hardly enough to make up for it. (Rock/Grass; Suction Cups)
S – Astonish
8 – Constrict
15 – Acid
22 – Ingrain
29 – Confuse Ray
36 – Amnesia
40 – EVOLUTION
48 – Ancientpower
60 – Stockpile
60 – Spit Up
60 – Swallow

Anorith/Armadillo: Is slightly less crappy compared to Lileep. (Rock, Bug; Battle Armour)
S – Scratch
7 – Harden
13 – Mud Sport
19 – Water Gun
25 – Metal Claw
31 – Protect
37 – Ancientpower
40 – EVOLUTION
46 – Fury Cutter
55 – Slash
64 – Rock Blast

Anorith/Armadillo sucks the least, and my friend tells me she has a drawing of Anorith on her wall. Claw Fossil it is!

I have no idea how I survived that.

“One word: TELEPORT.”



If a thousand suns would burst at once into the sky, that would be like the splendor of the mighty one. I have become death, the shatterer of worlds.


This energetic little bugger is now officially part of the team. And I also now have 50 Pokémon on my Pokédex. :3


I have four badges. There will be no excuses this time around.

More ammunition against my father…

“My name is Henny. You are my father. Prepare to die!”

Norman has a level 27 Spinda, a level 27 Vigoroth, a level 29 Linoone and a level 31 Slaking.

“Er, Norman. You probably shouldn’t use Yawn when my Tentacruel is already asleep. Just a tip.”

Tentacruel fell asleep three times…

“Pfft. Did you really think you could topple Tentacruel?”

And then I danced the victory dance. Dad started crying, that poor sod.

“But I was just about to kill this monstrosity! Oh, all right then. He’s not worth the effort.”

“OK, you’re forgiven.”

Two gym leaders in one update. I guess that’ll do for today…

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One Response to “Pokémon Emerald Update #7”

  1. Pokémon Index « Procrastination Embodied Says:

    […] The playthough of Pokémon Emerald: Update #1 Update #2 Update #3 Update #4 Update #5 Update #6 Update #7 Update #8 Update […]

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